when i was like...<aflashback>

when i was a baby..
many things happen..
mom said im the easiest care.
let me in the "swing"  (buai)
make me sleep clamly. let stay me in there.
and then when shes back from work,
im still there. i bet i was really in deep sleep maybe.. ^^

when i grow to the toodleshood ..
i can remember..
one day i bussiest with a doll.
shes wear in red.
then pap..pap..pap.flash came..
it was a camera.i bet i was mom.
she took pic of me.

one day... mom wore me a blue shirt and jeans.
even let me in suitable shoes.
then kene berdiri tegak2.
pap pap pap...
amik gamba lagi.
rase.nye mse ni adik bradik mak cam mak usu atau makteh pon ade skali ni.
die yg beria2 menyiapkn ak.

up to my primary school..
i love to hang up with nenek.
she keeps repeat me about atok.
i love to ask about atok.
about japanese attack malaya.
and many more.

but an about.
nenek told me that atok is a doctor in army.
he posting at s'pore.
later, hes run back.left the career.
she even said his has all the doctor things like the pisau bedah, stateskop etc...(tp mende tu cucucl buat main dan hilang)
at that time...i was like..
why?
what happen up to he left it?
does he dont love to be a doctor?
he is exactly doing doctor or what?
does he scary or freak of something?

and so, bila aku teringat..
ak akn mtk nenek cerita tg atok semula.
over and over again.
i just wanna to make sure the storyline are proof to believe.(consistency lead the believe)

when my nenek has gone...last year.
we tidy up her room.
and we found about atok a bit.

dan masa tu aku tggal nak menghabiskan thesis sahaja.
ak terasa macam..oh mungkin begini.
atok terasa.
pressurenye bila kita makin tggi.
yg buatkan kita rasa nak undur.
dan undur lagi.
seakan kita taklayak menerimanya.

namun kini, setelah aku berjaya menghantar thesis dan menghadapi viva etc.

aku terasa.
tak sesia aku undur setapak.
kerna aku bukan tak mahu melakukannya.
tapi aku perlu lonjakkan agar aku
mara.

alhamdulillah.
syukur.
terima kasih atas pengalaman atok.
walau ending berbeza zaman.